A Reminder in the New Year

I have dedicated this blog to helping others understand the ups and down of international adoption.  I read an article today that was a fantastic reminder of what these little ones have come through, including Chloe.  To all you adoptive parents out there, I hope you read this, take a deep, pray for patience, and go give your child an extra hug for today.

http://www.informedadoptions.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=89&Itemid=67

Merry Christmas

Family Snowfall Holiday

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Forgotten or Left Behind?

It's amazing how quickly the happy little girl you see above making applesauce with her family can disintegrate into an angry, misbehaving one. 

     I have committed to being frank and honest on this blog about the reality of raising an adopted child diagnosed with Radical Attachment Disorder and Sensory Integration Disorder.  I must admit though, it's much easier to sit down and write a good report than a difficult one.  I don't in any way want to represent Chloe in a negative light or give the impression that our love and commitment to her as our forever daughter has changed.  Simply, I understand that we are not the only parents struggling to help our child adjust to trauma from the past.  If we can help others find solutions, then our struggles have not been in vain. (2 Cor. 1:4) 



   In the last blog post, Chloe was having a lot of success with her sensory disorder through occupational therapy.  Since that time, we have had a steady down hill slide back to constant anger.  She is provoking her sisters and doing anything she can think of spread the anger she is feeling to those around her.  The little girl who loved preschool and looked forward to it, is now crying and begging not to go.  We aren't exactly sure what triggered the regression.  Chloe had a big reaction to my arriving 2 min. late for a preschool pickup several weeks ago and also she has come to a new understanding in therapy that her birth mom did not just forget her, but that she was intentionally left, thus the blog post title.  
    Apparently, Chloe had decided that her birth mom had simply forgotten to come back and get her, so she was angry at the orphanage and us for taking her away because her birthmom "was coming back to get her."  This was easier to accept, but her new understanding has brought on a whole new level of anger.  Since her birth mom isn't here, she takes it out on us. Can you imagine suddenly grasping that you were intentionally abandoned?   As Chloe grows up, there will be many times that we will have to revisit her life story and address the same issues in light of a new capacity for her brain to understand. 
    So what now?  We pray a lot, continue therapy and neurofeedback along with directing her anger toward who she's really mad at, her birth mom.  In our family, much of our job as parents also is to help our older daughters cope and know how to react to Chloe when she's struggling.
     As always, your prayers for us are greatly appreciated!  We'll keep you posted.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

    I have spoken of Chloe going to occupational therapy for her sensory disorder on several occasions, but I thought it would be nice to show you what it actually looks like at Concorde Kids.  Chloe is swinging with her therapist and gets the heavy muscle workout that her body craves by grabbing bean bags and throwing them at a target.

    The rock wall climb is always Chloe's favorite activity. She gets to climb the wall and then jump off the platform into a crash pillow.  Each activity is about joint compression, heavy muscle workout, or intense sensory input.  They even use things like sour spray and pieces of bubble gum to give her jaw a workout and her senses input.  Amy is always asking Chloe about what her body needs.  Does she feel like "a Tigger, Pooh, or Ehor?"  Tigger would mean she feels crazy and needs more of a workout, Pooh means she feels good, and Ehor means she is too tired.  Part of the therapy goal is to help Chloe recognize what her body needs and fulfill it in an appropriate safe way.

Preschool Blessings

  There was a real air of apprehension as I left for Chloe's first day of afternoon preschool.  We had been talking about it for a long time and Chloe always said she didn't want to go.  It would be the first time she was away from us for any extended time without her sisters.  At orientation she was very excited to see the fun, challenging toys that had been laid out to play, but I must say that my mouth was nearly hanging open when I left and there was no clinging and crying!  I even stood in the hall for a while to see if there was a delayed reaction, but there was nothing. When I went back to pick her up 2 1/2 hrs. later, she was sitting with the class on the floor and even answered a question. 
  Chloe sleeps with a picture of Greg and I beside her pillow each night so that if she wakes up she can look at the picture and know that we are here and haven't left her.  She has struggled in her big bed upstairs waking up feeling like she was back in the orphanage alone.  The picture seemed to resolve those feelings, so I sent a picture of us attached to a lanyard along with her to preschool for her to wear and look at anytime she was scared we wouldn't come back and get her.  I'm not sure what did the trick, but I'm certain the fervent prayers that were being offered on her behalf that day by so many played a huge roll. 
  So we consider ourselves very blessed to be able to share this milestone with you.  Chloe seems to genuinely enjoy preschool and we rejoice that we can celebrate this step forward in her trust and security.

Family Therapy - Green Beans

     Last night we had arduous task of snipping green beans to freeze for the year.  It takes about a 1 1/2 bushels and it's never been a favorite of mine.  So, needless to say I was not looking forward to it.  It has been a crazy first week of school with a daughter in high school, Jr. high, elementary school, and preschool, not to mention 2 fall sports.  We really haven't hardly seen each other.  As it turned out, about 8pm last night we were all home sitting around the table snipping beans.  Green beans, single-handedly, provided us with the family together time we so badly needed.  Who knew one little vegetable could do all that?

Here are a few other summer highlights: 

We toured Churchill Down, home of the Kentucky Derby.  We took a back lot tour and had a great time exploring the museum.

Chloe in her jockey silks

We unexpectedly came across the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile on our trip to Nashville.  After that, each day we looked for an unexpected blessing, our "weinermobile" moment.



We spent a weekend with an adoptive family at the Opryland Hotel.  We hadn't seen our friends since China, so it was great fun to catch up.

Chloe and Ella became quick friends and their similar tendencies were uncanny.

We also had a special visit with Chloe's orphanage crib neighbor Alexandria.  She is the one person Chloe still seems to miss from the orphanage.  When they are together, you can just sense their special connection.  Chloe would like for her to live next door.

Special Needs vs Non-Special Needs

    Yesterday was Chloe's 4th Birthday and we had a good time celebrating with her.  We took her to Chuck E Cheese, which caused a great deal of jumping up and down excitement.  There was however, also extra drama yesterday.  Birthdays tend to be an emotional trigger for adoptive kids and so it was with Chloe.

    There is a lot of debate in the adoption world, especially in Chinese adoption, about choosing a special needs child or one with no known medical condition.  Because of the extended length of wait for a child with no known medical condition, up to 5 years now, many families chose to adopt either an older child or one with some physical challenges.  Our family felt a NSN child (no special needs) was best for us and so Chloe entered our family at 8 months of age.  At the time there were no obvious physical issues with her.  We had seen a medical report, blood work, etc. and there was nothing obvious.  Those of you who have followed our blog for some time, know that Chloe did indeed have some physical delays, needed ear surgery, had a parasite and inactive tuberculosis that required 9 months of medication.  However, what I was very uneducated about were the emotional scares that come with an adoptive child.  No child is truly without special needs.  The trauma that has come from whatever circumstance placed them up for adoption has put them in their own "special needs" category.  There was a long time that I waited for Chloe to be "normal" and like my other kids, but the truth is I can't change that Chloe was adopted.  It's not that she isn't a complete, loved part of our family or any less my daughter than my biological kids, but Chloe will always be impacted by her past.  It will "flavor" how she looks at life and impact her decisions and thought process.  We have worked very hard for Chloe's emotional healing and she has come such a long way.  It will be an ongoing process, as she can understand more from her past, there will be more healing to take place.  Really the change has come from my expectations.  I don't expect Chloe to someday act like she was never adopted and then consider myself a success as her parent.  Adoptive kids are an investment, not only financialy, but in every part of life, but I can tell you first hand, that they are so worth it :)  Chloe had no choice about the past that was handed to her, but struggles or not, she is still just as precious in God's eyes. 

Jesus said, "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes Me."  Matt. 18:5