Snow Days and Normal 2's

We woke up Sat. morning in Ohio with 14" of snow on the ground.  Everything had pretty much come to a stand still.  It was the most snow we have had at one time in at least 20 years.  Definitely one for the record books.

Our family had reservations at a local hotel to spend the night on Sat. and go swimming, but as we started digging threw all the snow just to get to the car, we had our doubts of getting out at all.  There was a truck with a blade 3 miles away at work waiting to be used, but we couldn't get out the driveway with our 4-wheel drive.

We all gave a big cheer when Uncle Bob came to our rescue after about an hour of digging by hand.

All 4 girls had a great time climbing the 5ft. pile of snow cleared from our driveway.

Of course, sledding was a must.  Chloe loved to ride on an inner tube behind the 4 wheeler with her big sister.

Chloe really likes puzzles.  So when our family was putting together a big one, she thought she should be able to put some pieces together too.

    We are greatful that Chloe continues to make progress.  She has moments of sleeping better, only waking a few times a night.  Also, in talking with Arleta at her last therapy session, we discovered that Chloe was actually displaying some normal "terrible 2's."  It took me a few moments to digest what had just been said.  I think I had given up hope to hear that Chloe's issues were just normal for her age.  She has come such a long way recently.  You may remember us talking about Chloe's cry sounding like that of an infant, even though she was 2 years old.  This was an indicator of her emotional age verses her chronological age.  Last week we heard a new cry.  A cry that sounded like a toddler.

    As I reflect on what this adoption journey has been for our family, not only have we been blessed with a beautiful new daughter.  But God has seen fit to bring change in each member of our family through Chloe.  We have found a new treatment for ADD through Chloe's therapist for our oldest daughter.  A gift that will truly be life-changing for her.  For each of the rest of us, the stressful transition has brought many hidden issues to light.  As painful as forced change can be, we will all be better for it.  Thanks to our Chloe!

Can I Have a Nap Please?

    The sleeping transition has officially begun.  This is Chloe proudly sitting on her new bed next to ours.  It has been over a year that Chloe has slept with us, so this was a big change.  She is very happy to have her own bed and has not fussed about sleeping in it.  However, staying asleep is another story.  Chloe thinks that she has to been touching us at all times to make sure we are still there.  Last night Chloe woke up 3 times before 1:00am.  Come afternoon, I need a nap as badly as she does.  In the long run, learning that we are still there even though she can't feel us will go a long way toward her trust and bonding.  Please just pray for our perseverence in the mean time. 

 

    Last night we played some games as a family.  If you notice, Chloe is not very happy in the background.  She is learning that she is not always the center of attention and she needs to play quietly while Greg and I focus on the other kids sometimes.  So many lessons to learn - so little time.

Chloe and Buddy the cat.  Now that it's cold outside, he seems to slip in whenever the door opens.

Christmas and New Year Fun

We had a great time celebrating Christmas with our families this year.

We spent the day before Christmas with Greg's family.  We were excited to spend some time with his grandparents and sing some songs.  Chloe is showing a picture to her great grandma.

Chloe warmed up to Greg's dad for the first time.  It's fun to watch her begin to accept more people.

We always sleep in the living room as a family on Christmas Eve and these were the 4 smiling faces Christmas morning.

Chloe was a pro at opening gifts this year, but of course being 2, struggled to let others have a turn too.

My family was at our house for the day on Sat. This is the yearly grandchildren picture in front of the tree.

The girls each had a friend over for New Year's Eve, but Chloe had to celebrate a little early and get to bed.

We just had to snap this picture of Chloe on New Years morning.  She was sitting at the table pretending to talk on her cell phone and drink coffee.

    I wanted to take a moment to praise God for the this blessed Holiday Season.  We have had a lot of special family time together and Chloe is beginning to come out of her regression.   Thankfully, time seemed to pass slowly during this school break and we were all healthy.  Our times together were really precious and I pray that we have "filled our tanks" in preparation to head back to the craziness of the girls in school and the regular routine.

  http://www.samesamecd.com/

   As a final note, I wanted to put a plug in for a great cd for adoptive kids. We got it for Chloe for Christmas and I'm absolutely thrilled with it!  Some of the songs include: "This is My Forever Family", "Same/Same", "The Real Deal", and "Mama Always Comes Back."  All the songs address struggles adoptive kids might have in a fun musical way like someone asking where their "real" parents are or why they don't look the "same" as their family.  My favorite and the reason we bought the cd was for "Mama Always Comes Back."  Chloe is always fearful that I won't return and so now I remind her that Mama always comes back and she starts singing the song.  It's a great reminder for her.

Christmas Tree, Christmas Cookies and Fun

What a crazy time of the year.  Between basketball schedules and homework, it's been tough to sweeze in some Holdiay fun.  Chloe wasn't sure if she liked hanging ornaments on the tree or eating homemade Christmas candy better.  Her smile looks a little goofy because her mouth was full.

Making Christmas cut-out cookies was quite an undertaking with a 2 year old this year.  How many hands do they have anyway?  Lets just say that we iced and decorated them while she was sleeping :)

Chloe is looking at her favorite book "Brown Bear, Brown Bear."  She almost has it memorized.

   I wanted to end this blog post with a link to a YouTube video of the song called "Merry Christmas."  It features an adoption video created for the Third Day tour.  The song was written by Brad Avery, who has adopted from China. Click the song title below:

Third Day - Merry Christmas

May God richly bless you all this Holiday Season and I pray there will many reminders of the precious gift of God's Son Jesus Christ that was given on that first Christmas.

Friends, Thanksgiving, and Christmas Trees

We had a nice time with family at Thanksgiving.  Greg's family was at our house for brunch on Thanksgiving day and then we celebrated with my family the following Sat.  Chloe especially enjoyed making Lego towers with her cousin Jared.

Everyone was together in my family except my nephew Mitch who was in NY with his girlfriend's family.

We enjoyed a windy 60 deg. to cut our Christmas tree this year

    November also brought a special visit from Alexandria and her family.  She was in a crib next to Chloe at the orphanage and in our travel group.  Her visit came at a really good time.  Chloe continues to learn her life story through attachment therapy and was particularly emotional about a pictures of Alexandria in a crib at the orphanage.  The other babies were the only "family" Chloe ever knew and they were suddenly just gone.  Working through her feeling from her time at the orphanage should be the last big emotional milestone preventing her attachment.  However, it is the big one.  Chloe spent the most time at the orphanage and it makes sense that there are the most emotions associated with it.  She continues to be in regression, screaming, biting, and doing all she can to reject our family right now, but we know that this too will pass as her heart heals.  Many kids in therapy struggle during the Holdiay Season.  They respond to their mom's stress.  If Chloe has not pulled out of this regression by mid Jan., we will do a 3 day intensive therapy session with her to help her move forward.

    My thoughts today are for all you other adoptive mom's out there who not only are stressed from the season, but are struggling with our little ones (and big ones) behaviour.  May God grant us all the patience and wisdom to continue to parent with unconditional love and to see them as His precious creation without the baggage of their past.

Family Photos

   Last night we were scheduled to take a family photo for Christmas.  Chloe had done really well the previous week for her own pictures, so we were not anticipating any problems.  I had spent a lot of time finding coordinating clothes and then getting everyone ready last night took a couple of hours.  I was pretty exhausted by the time we got to the photo shoot.  As you know, when you take a group photo, it's takes time to get everyone arranged and the youngest one always gets placed in the group last.  This was very disturbing to Chloe.  She just walked around us and said, "Mommy, my turn?"  There were almost tears in her eyes, she was so worried she would be left out.  Eventually her patience just wore out and she did everything she could do to disrupt the session.  Chloe stuck out her tongue.  She tickled us.  She turned upside down.  She ran away and eventually, she just cried refusing to wear her outfit or sit in the picture at all.  I was going back and forth between pittying her because she didn't seem to be able to emotionally handle the situation and being furious because she was doing everything opposite she was being told.  Finally, the photographer said she had gotten enough shots and she could do a head swap on some of the photos so Chloe is looking at the camera.  Thank goodness for modern technology.  Needless to say, we were all spent by the time we got home.  I can't wait to see the pictures though and I'll try get permission to post some on our site as soon as possible.

   I am happy to say the Attachment and Bonding Seminar we hosted on Sat. went very well.  We had over 40 people there and we hope to continue offering education to parents who are struggling.  So many adoptive families face unexpected frustrations and we want to do all we can to give them hope and help.

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

 

    At our last therapy session, Arleta suggested it was time to work on getting Chloe out of our bed.  Yah!!!  I must say that this caused me a significant amount of apprehension at the same time.  For a little history, Chloe has had a lot of sleep issues from the first day we got home and it was really the driving force behind us finding ABC of Ohio.  She has always been a light sleeper and very restless.  This is caused by her anxiety and need to be in control.  Chloe seems to sleep with "one eye open" so she doesn't miss anything, never really getting into deep sleep.  Light sleep was important at the orphanage so she didn't miss anything, like a bottle, but she still hasn't transitioned out of it to be a sleeping "family girl."  For a little over a year, Chloe has slept with Greg and I.  This has certainly had an impact on us, but at the time it was a last resort to get some more sleep.  Chloe was waking so often at night, we ended up sleeping next to her mattress on the floor most of the time.

   My apprehension about getting her out of our bed came from Arleta's warning, "this will probably make Chloe regress."  I know that regression is a normal and necessary part of the bonding process, but a part that I have certainly been dreading.  Regression allows the brain to catch up and fill in the missing pieces caused by rapid forward development.  Did you ever notice how a child who is working hard to learn to walk will stop talking for a short time?  Little did I know, we were about to hit regression anyway.  We never even had a chance to rearrange our bedroom to accommadate another mattress before "old" Chloe was back.  I had truly forgotten what it was like.  She is back to screaming, demanding, running away from me, wiggling all the time (fllight mode), and being very defiant.  I was shopping with several of the girls last week and she screamed at them a couple of times for just looking at her. Children have such a delightful waying of keeping us humble. Chloe is even resisting eye contact during holding therapy again.

   Thank goodness I have Arleta to call during these times of frustration.  I am much calmer after speaking with her and I know that this too will pass.  The great thing about regression is that once Chloe is passed it, she will not need to regress that far again and will probably have made even further strides forward.  In the mean time, I'll take a deep breath and know it's only for a time.

 Chloe and her buddies had a front row seat in the basement as her sister practiced for their Christmas program.

 

 

Bath time is Chloe's absolute favorite.  Sometimes she like to take a bath in the laundry room wash tub instead of the bathtub.  Chloe calls it a "Nilla bath," because it's where we give our dog Nilla her baths.

   As a closing note, please remember us in prayer on Sat., Nov 14th.  Chloe's therapist will be speaking to about 40 local adoptive parents who want to know more about attachment and bonding issues.  The seminar is from 1-4pm and we pray that it will bring hope and help to a lot of struggling parents.