Nov 23, 2011

Forgotten or Left Behind?

It's amazing how quickly the happy little girl you see above making applesauce with her family can disintegrate into an angry, misbehaving one. 

     I have committed to being frank and honest on this blog about the reality of raising an adopted child diagnosed with Radical Attachment Disorder and Sensory Integration Disorder.  I must admit though, it's much easier to sit down and write a good report than a difficult one.  I don't in any way want to represent Chloe in a negative light or give the impression that our love and commitment to her as our forever daughter has changed.  Simply, I understand that we are not the only parents struggling to help our child adjust to trauma from the past.  If we can help others find solutions, then our struggles have not been in vain. (2 Cor. 1:4) 

   In the last blog post, Chloe was having a lot of success with her sensory disorder through occupational therapy.  Since that time, we have had a steady down hill slide back to constant anger.  She is provoking her sisters and doing anything she can think of spread the anger she is feeling to those around her.  The little girl who loved preschool and looked forward to it, is now crying and begging not to go.  We aren't exactly sure what triggered the regression.  Chloe had a big reaction to my arriving 2 min. late for a preschool pickup several weeks ago and also she has come to a new understanding in therapy that her birth mom did not just forget her, but that she was intentionally left, thus the blog post title.  
    Apparently, Chloe had decided that her birth mom had simply forgotten to come back and get her, so she was angry at the orphanage and us for taking her away because her birthmom "was coming back to get her."  This was easier to accept, but her new understanding has brought on a whole new level of anger.  Since her birth mom isn't here, she takes it out on us. Can you imagine suddenly grasping that you were intentionally abandoned?   As Chloe grows up, there will be many times that we will have to revisit her life story and address the same issues in light of a new capacity for her brain to understand. 
    So what now?  We pray a lot, continue therapy and neurofeedback along with directing her anger toward who she's really mad at, her birth mom.  In our family, much of our job as parents also is to help our older daughters cope and know how to react to Chloe when she's struggling.
     As always, your prayers for us are greatly appreciated!  We'll keep you posted.

Happy Thanksgiving!