It is not uncommon for an adoptive child to get angry with their parents and blame them for taking them away from their birth parent(s). Because they don't understand the reality of abandonment, the truth is twisted and the rescuing parents become the "bad guys."
Chloe had been on a slippery downhill slope of regression ever since we missed a session of her neuro feedback, the brainwave treatment that I have spoken about that's part of her ongoing therapy. It all came to a head last week when a very angry, stubborn Chloe had therapy. Arleta, Chloe's attachment therapist, proceeded to tell her that she needed to listen to Mom and Dad and act like a family girl. Chloe seemed very angry and refused to speak, so Arleta talked to her about her life story, a sort of time line of events beginning with her abandonment and progressing to when she was adopted and traveled to America. As we talk about how she must have felt throughout this timeline, something will often trigger an emotion for Chloe. Her face may get red with anger or tears will well up in her eyes, sometimes her forehead will furrow or she'll start breathing quickly. Suffice it to say, it is always very obvious when we've hit on the right area of trouble.
On a previous visit, Chloe had been very angry when she was told she was not going to live in China again. We knew this issue was still unresolved. Arleta asked Chloe if Mommy and Daddy were important to her (in an effort to motivate to make better choices). Chloe promptly said no we were not and when Arleta asked her to tell us, she sat up, looked each of us in the eye and said, "You are not important to me." The consequence she was given by Arleta, since we were not important to her, was that we were Mr & Mrs Beach to Chloe instead of Mom and Dad. This meant we still took care of her, but she did not get special loving privileges of being part of the family, candy, fun toys, choices, etc. since she rejected the family.
Chloe continued to call us Mr & Mrs Beach and refuse to be part of the family for almost 3 days. Occasionally we would ask her if she had decided yet to be part of the family and she would just say no. Finally, Sunday night, Greg was putting Chloe to bed and asked her once again if she wanted to be a part of the family. She smiled and said yes. Chloe then went on to tell both Greg and I that we are important to her and that she loved us. Once again our sweet, kind-hearted Chloe was back. She had let go of all the anger and had come to a place of acceptance again. What a relief to be back to "normal." Arleta did say it usually takes two times of this happening for it to really stick, so at some point I will probably have to be Mrs Beach again. :(
On a lighter note, we celebrated Chinese New Year as a family a few weeks ago and here are some pictures.
Chloe's working on mastering her chopsticks. The little guy at the top holds them together to make it easier to learn. I think I need some like that. :)
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