Mr & Mrs Beach

   It is not uncommon for an adoptive child to get angry with their parents and blame them for taking them away from their birth  parent(s).  Because they don't understand the reality of abandonment, the truth is twisted and the rescuing parents become the "bad guys." 
   Chloe had been on a slippery downhill slope of regression ever since we missed a session of her neuro feedback, the brainwave treatment that I have spoken about that's part of her ongoing therapy.  It all came to a head last week when a very angry, stubborn Chloe had therapy.  Arleta, Chloe's attachment therapist,  proceeded to tell her that she needed to listen to Mom and Dad and act like a family girl.  Chloe seemed very angry and refused to speak, so Arleta talked to her about her life story, a sort of time line of events beginning with her abandonment and progressing to when she was adopted and traveled to America.  As we talk about how she must have felt throughout this timeline, something will often trigger an emotion for Chloe.  Her face may get red with anger or tears will well up in her eyes, sometimes her forehead will furrow or she'll start breathing quickly.  Suffice it to say, it is always very obvious when we've hit on the right area of trouble.
   On a previous visit, Chloe had been very angry when she was told she was not going to live in China again.  We knew this issue was still unresolved.  Arleta asked Chloe if Mommy and Daddy were important to her (in an effort to motivate to make better choices).  Chloe promptly said no we were not and when Arleta asked her to tell us, she sat up, looked each of us in the eye and said, "You are not important to me."  The consequence she was given by Arleta, since we were not important to her, was that we were Mr & Mrs Beach to Chloe instead of Mom and Dad.  This meant we still took care of her, but she did not get special loving privileges of being part of the family, candy, fun toys, choices, etc. since she rejected the family. 
   Chloe continued to call us Mr & Mrs Beach and refuse to be part of the family for almost 3 days.  Occasionally we would ask her if she had decided yet to be part of the family and she would just say no.  Finally, Sunday night, Greg was putting Chloe to bed and asked her once again if she wanted to be a part of the family.  She smiled and said yes.  Chloe then went on to tell both Greg and I that we are important to her and that she loved us.  Once again our sweet, kind-hearted Chloe was back.  She had let go of all the anger and had come to a place of acceptance again.  What a relief to be back to "normal."  Arleta did say it usually takes two times of this happening for it to really stick, so at some point I will probably have to be Mrs Beach again. :(
     On a lighter note, we celebrated Chinese New Year as a family a few weeks ago and here are some pictures.

Chloe's working on mastering her chopsticks.  The little guy at the top holds them together to make it easier to learn.  I think I need some like that. :)

Sleigh Ride at the Exotic Animal Farm

We got to spend the wknd with the Brown family, our adoptive friends.  There is an exotic animal petting farm a few minutes from our house, so we took an amazing sleigh ride through the animals.

We all huddled under very warm blankets and slipped and slid over the hills to feed the animals.

Chloe loved feeding the llamas and one of us even got caught in the spitting crossfire.

We got to meet George the 17ft. daddy giraffe in the barn where he was staying with about 6 other giraffes.  He was huge!  This is a 2nd story platform we're standing on to see him eye to eye.

While we waited for the sleighs to arrive, we got to visit with a baby zebra and giraffe.  What an amazing experience!

We spent the rest of the wknd at a hotel with the Browns and enjoyed catching up.  The girls got to go swimming and just had fun playing tag and hiding from everyone.

Alexandria and Chloe were orphanage buddies.

Chloe discovered goggles for the first time and is now swimming around with her head under the water.

What a fish!  A little fear could be a good thing too :)

Daddy's Birthday

We helped Greg celebrate his 40th birthday.

Chloe loves to imitate her sisters.  Here she is dressed in her sisters tank top, t-shirt, and basketball shorts.  She thought she was such big stuff.

We have a new addition to our living room.  Chloe is always jumping off things (coffee table, cupboards, chairs, etc), so this mini trampoline is being put to good use on these cold days of winter.

Sunday School Milestone

     This worried little face is one we have gotten accustomed to.  Chloe has made lots of strides in her emotional development, but being away from mom has continued to be a struggle.  We recently started attending a new, large church and Chloe's therapist encouraged us to have her try Sunday School.  Remember, this is the same little girl who still won't go upstairs to her bedroom without someone with her.  Just talking about Sunday School in therapy with Chloe made her anxious.  Well, 2 wks ago we took her to class for only 10 min. then came back and got her.  She had a good time, but was glad to see us.  This passed week, before we ever left for church she talked about how excited she was for Sunday School class.   When Greg took her to class, she turned and looked at him as if to say, "what are you still doing here?"  The best medicine for most separation anxiety is just to let them cry it out and they'll figure out your coming back, but the stakes are different with a child who has been abandoned.  We have worked really hard to gain Chloe's trust and teach her object permanence (even though you can't see me I am still here).  So you can understand why this is such a milestone for us. 

   On a separate note, we would appreciate your prayers about getting state funding approval for a home neuro feedback computer.  Chloe has been getting special brain wave treatments for about 6 mon. as part of her therapy.  It has helped to lower her anxiety level and she is sleeping easier.  However, since we live nearly 2 hours from therapy, she can only get treatments every 2wks.  Some kids have them 3 times a wk.  The more treatments, the quicker the success rate.  I would be able to do these treatment at home under the supervision of Chloe's therapist, however the system costs over $5000.  We are applying this week for special funding from Ohio to cover our expense.  It was be a real blessing.

New Year Changes

    You are looking at the big new change for our household.  I am now officially a homeschooling mom to a 6th grader.  She began with Connections Academy, an online academy, last week.  It's been a bumpy few days, but we are thankfully beginning to settle in.  This was a very specific calling from the Lord for us, so we will follow Him over the bumps and still be assured it was the right choice.  God's ways are so much higher than our minds can understand and it is so tempting when things look different than anticipated to doubt.

Ready to dive into their first gift.

I think 3 is just about the best age at Christmas time.

Chloe intently watched and sang along as Uncle Craig played Christmas carols.

One of the older girls got a pinball machine, but guess who has figured out how to play?  That is actually her score.

If you look at the clock on the wall, we celebrated New Years a little early with Chloe and sent her off to bed.

Snow Bunnies - Chloe begs to go out and play in the snow.

Merry Christmas

Wishing your Family a Blessed Christmas

This Holiday Season, we pray that Christ is the center of all your celebrations.  He is truly the most precious gift ever given.

My Chinese Acrobat

     We always knew that Chloe had good balance, but this is a little ridiculous!  Yes those are roller blades on my 3 year old.  She and Greg were playing in the basement and the next thing I knew, here came Chloe with roller blades on.  She's been scooting around in the pink plastic Barbie ones with the training wheel, but this is a whole different ball game. Do you think we should purchase the Aflac Accident policy for next year?  With stitches and a dislocation this year, I wonder what next year might hold.
     Chloe has slowly but surely come out of regression.  I heard, "I love you, Mommy" for the first time again this week.  I didn't realize just how long it had been missing.  We are working on making her bedroom a fun place to be and giving Chloe some ownership of it.  Up to this point it was always just her sister's room that she was joining.  We put a sign on the door with her name on it, moved some books upstairs, and moved her clothes from our bathroom to her bedroom.  This all made Chloe quite angry and she still refuses to call it her bedroom.  Obviously, we still have some work to do.  She still sneaks into our bed at night when I'm sleeping too hard to notice.  Otherwise, I carry her back to her own bed typically twice a night.

   In other family news, if you know anyone interested a Bichon Frise, we are looking for a new home for our Nilla.  She is a 4 1/2yr old registered female that has been fixed, has all her shots, and is house trained.  She needs a new home, because we just don't give her the attention she deserves with our busy lives.  Having an inside dog is much like having another child and we just need to simplify.  Please feel free to email any questions to:  thebeachfamily@cs.com