Travel Group Reunion

With everything else that has been going on, I haven't taken the time to post pictures from the July Travel Group Reunion that we hosted in our area. Chloe, Heather, and Alexandria are all from Chongqing and were adopted together.
We spent Friday evening getting reacquainted around the camp fire.

Chloe and Heather became fast friends as her family camped in our woods.

Saturday morning we all took a wagon ride at an exotic animal farm.

The kids all loved seeing and feeding the animals right from the horse drawn wagon.

Chloe even got to feed some giraffes with a little help from Daddy.

We all enjoyed a good Amish cooked meal for lunch.

After naps, we all had pizza and cake at our house to wrap up the day.

It was so great to spend time with others who have shared in this amazing journey with us. It seemed as though we were able to pick up right where we left off even though it had been 15 months since we'd been together. There was a special comfort level between the little girls that was noticeable and it only cemented our determination to keep them in touch.

Attachment Therapy

     I am sitting down tonight feeling totally inadequate to try and explain all that has happened this week, but first a little statistic: 2/3 of the 6,000,000 adopted kids in the United States have moderate to sever attachment issues, many of which go unrecognized. This is a staggering number of children and families dealing with significant emotional issues and almost no one to help.
    We have been going through 3 hours of therapy a day with an attachment specialist for the last 5 days. Much of that time consisted of what you see above. However, it has taken most of the week for Chloe to willingly give me eye contact even for a few seconds at a time. This position to her is threatening and intimate. It brings back feelings and emotions that are hard to deal with. We've been working to help Chloe cope with her abandonment and life story. Her birth mom abandoned her at 2 days of age, after which she was taken to a police station and then to an orphanage where for 240 days she spent approx. 20 out of 24 hours each day staring at the ceiling from her crib. She was often hungry and no one responded when she cried, so eventually she just stopped crying for her needs. Because of a lack of sensory stimulation, she would hit herself on the head and suck on her hand to go to sleep. When we were found as her family, she road 6 hours in a van for the first time with people she didn't know. She was not fed and then suddenly she was handed to 2 people who looked different, smelled different, and sounded different. Within 2 weeks she was flown to a new country away from anything or anyone she had ever known. Not exactly a fairytale story. It's understandable why Chloe is traumatized by her past.
    I wanted to take a moment to try explain about 2 different kinds of memories our brain makes. One type of memory is called explicit, which is the type of memories you can recall. The first day of school, would be a good example. The brain also stores implicit memories which are emotional responses and feelings that happen subconsciously. These implicit memories are being recorded in the brain even before babies are born and these are the type of memories that Chloe is struggling with. As a newborn, when your parent speaks to you, it causes your brain to process these implicit emotions/feelings and release them. In Chloe's situation, there was no one directly speaking to her that allowed all the emotions she was dealing with to be released. So now, by talking through what Chloe must have been feeling during her first traumatic 8 months brings those feelings back out and eventually her brain can then let go of them. The goal is for Chloe to have less and less reaction each time the therapist talks through her story. It was absolutely heart breaking this week to watch Chloe's eyes fill with tears and her lip quiver when she was told that her China mom was not coming back to get her. She so clearly understood that it was astounding.
    There are so many more details I could share and if you have specific questions, feel free to email me or post a comment and I'll get back with you. We are working on eye contact with Chloe for 20min. twice a day, in addition to encouraging her to talk. She is capable of saying a lot of words, but resists, choosing to point and grunt. That will be coming to end. Also, we are working on her aggression towards her sisters. The therapist said the next 2 weeks or so Chloe will be a real bear once she realized this was not just a temporary change. We go back to therapy every 2 weeks where we'll continue to desensitize Chloe to her life story, in turn allowing her to embrace her new life with our family.
    I feel like I need to include a few resources today for you adoptive parents. Our therapist, Arleta James, has written an amazing book about integrating an adoptive child into an existing family. I think every adoptive family needs this book! It is full of really practical information.
You can purchase the book at: http://www.perspectivespress.com/productlist or on Amazon.com

Arleta also writes a biweekly adoption blog that has lots of great tools in it. You can find the blog at: http://www.perspectivespress.com/blog

    Lastly, I'd like to include a resource for you parents who are wondering if your child has attachment issues. It is part of the application process for ABC of Ohio to determine attachment issues. Children under 5: http://www.abcofohio.net/under5.pdf   Children over 5: http://www.abcofohio.net/overfive.pdf   If you have any questions or concerns, please contact ABC of Ohio. They treat more internationally adopted kids with attachment issues than any other clinic in the country.
   
Thank you for your prayers this week, they have truly been a blessing.

Therapy Week

This is the week we are scheduled to begin intensive attachment and bonding therapy with Chloe. We have been anticipating it for a long time and yet we go into this week with a little apprehension as well. Change is always hard, even when it's for the better. If you change your eating habits to eat healthier, it's good for you, but the process is challenging. So I think this process will be for Chloe and all of us. Even though there are challenges about where she is right now, we all have adapted to it and it's become somewhat "normal."

Tonight I am reminding myself to keep my eye on the prize and see the bigger picture. To have a little girl who can look me in the eye and return the love we've been pouring into her will be truly amazing, no matter what the journey may need to be to get there. To heal the wounds and baggage left from her abandonment and orphanage experience will allow Chloe to have healthy relationships others and most importantly, the ability to put her trust in her Savior Jesus Christ.

Please keep our family in your prayers this week. Therapy is from 10am-1pm each day. I'll update again soon and let you know how it's going.

Happy 2nd Birthday Chloe!

We celebrated Chloe's 2nd Birthday with family this past weekend.
She got to open her presents tonight from our family - a talking baby and a car of her very own.

One of Chloe's new found foods is corn on the cob.

As I reflect back on all this past year has held, there has been much learning on Chloe's part and ours as her parents. We are so grateful to God for all He has taught us through her. Now we look forward to what this next year will bring. Next week we begin intensive attachment and bonding therapy for Chloe. We pray that this will bring about a new trust and bonding for her that she has yet to experience. The independence that we now come to expect from Chloe is only a symptom of her troubled heart and inability to allow someone to care for her. As you think of Chloe in the weeks to come, please pray for a deep healing that only God can bring. He created her and only He knows what will heal her heart. If you would like more information on attachment and bonding, please see the link to ABC of Ohio on the right.

A Visit with Florida Friends

We had a great opportunity to visit some other adoptive families in our travel group on our vacation in Florida. Emma and her brother Josh at the pool with Chloe. Emma is from Chloe's orphanage.
Roselyn is from a neighboring orphanage in Chongqing.

The 3 girls together for supper at Macaroni Grill. Our reservation was for 12, 5 adults and 7 kids. I think the waiters were drawing straws to see who had to serve us.

The Hannemann Family

Rosie and her mom Retta

We caught up with the Kaplin family in Jacksonville and had a great time while the kids played on the playground at Chick-fil-A.

We also got to spend some time with family in Sarasota. Chloe loved her first beach visit at Siesta Key.

We got reacquainted with a Chinese shop owner that Greg had spoken with a few months before we adopted Chloe. She remembered him and was very excited to meet Chloe.

Chloe is an all-American, donut loving kid. In this case, it was much easier to let her eat it without any clothes.

We braved the 100 deg. temperatures and spent a day Disney World. As it turns out, Chloe's favorite ride was the bus, first thing in the morning.

Chloe on the Mad Hatter tea cup ride.

Chloe loved exploring at Minnie Mouse's house. She wanted to climb on everything.

On a side note - We are scheduled to begin attachment and bonding therapy the first week of Aug. with Chloe. Please be praying that our funding goes through. Right now it looks like it will not be available due to State budget cuts. We will move forward anyway, even if we have to pay ourselves.

Chloe and ABC of Ohio

Chloe can now point to 21 body parts and is growing like a weed.

It's been a long time since I've posted. I've actually sat down several times to begin and then stopped once again not knowing for sure what to say. Things have been pretty rocky at house. I have briefly mentioned some of Chloe's sleeping and anxiety issues in the past, but over the last few months, her behavior and sleep issues have reached a level that we knew we needed to get some more help. A friend recommended the Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio. They specialize in adoption attachment and adjustment issues. We are very fortunate to have them located less than 2 hours from us. After a 2 1/2 hr evaluation, the therapist determined that Chloe is only "anxiously attached" to us. She lives as independently of us as possible and then allows us to do what she is unable to. Her emotional development is very much still that of an infant, rather than an almost 2 year old. She has post-traumatic stress disorder from her orphanage and adoption experience and has almost no emotional regulation.

So what does all of that mean in practical terms? In many ways Chloe is a developmental baby in 2 year old body. She lives with us much like she would have in the orphanage. She never learned to trust, because her emotional needs were not met as an infant and therefore is not capable of loving and bonding to us. Presently, her behavior is very volatile. Her sisters get the brunt of her anger, but there many, many explosions and lashings out daily. She is a happy girl when life is on her terms. But let me just say that this is more than just a strong willed child. There are some similarities, but there are also distinctive differences. When Chloe met with the therapist, she asked Chloe to look in her eyes and say "yes" and she go come back to sit with us. Chloe fought her for about 10 min. and completely shut down and went to sleep. She doesn't know what to do when things are stressful. An infant learns to regulate their emotions when they are comforted by their parents when crying. This happens thousands of times and that regulation transfers from parent to child. Chloe, unfortunately did not have the opportunity to learn this.

Thank God that we now have the chance to teach her. We will begin intensive bonding therapy with Chloe in July and your prayers for our family would be greatly appreciated. We'll keep you posted on how it's going. If this information has triggered any questions in the minds of you adoptive parents, please don't hesitate to ask. Just post a comment and I can email you privately.

Chloe has taken to catching flies - can you believe it. She catches them with her bare hands. One day she just brought me a dead fly. I thought she must have just found it, but the next day she proceeded to catch 4 more at the window. I guess her fine motor skills have caught up :)

Chloe loves the warm weather and would play outside all day if she could.

Mushrooms Anyone?

Greg took the girls mushroom hunting last week and I just had to post these pictures. Chloe got a ride on Daddy's back. She loves to be outside, so this was right up her ally.

You might notice that Chloe looks a little wet. They got caught in a rain storm on their way out of the woods and had a wild 4-wheeler ride back to the car. No harm done, just a little soggy!